I am extremely tired after a 14 hour journey across two states, in a supposedly comfortable non AC sleeper coach.

I still came to work.

Because I skipped it over the past 4 days.

I feel alone. I feel restless. I feel useless. I feel hungry. I feel blah! I feel intoxicated.

Because I made the excuse of a lunch break and went out to have a drink instead; yes during work hours.


And now, I am back in the office. Pretending I had lunch. I am also pretending to be busy – working.

My head feels heavy and my eyes burn even if I look at the tube light.

I feel warm all over.

I want to sleep and lie again and go home and lie on my bed.

Someone at work has a ‘Gorrilaz’ ring tone.

I just cracked my knuckles.

I miss you love.

I hate being here.

This is not me; it’s the ‘Imperial Blue’ – cheap shit!

Benson and Hedges “Special Filter” (Balls!) has been filling my lungs over the last 24 hours.

My guitar has also suffered severe endure in the travels with me.

I have no purpose of writing this.

Even as I do, I hope it becomes a work of great and famous modern fiction.

Fiction, really?

I just can’t stop lying, can I?

But I never lie to her. Never.

You crack knuckles? Here I crack my elbows! Beat that!


I am happy.

Happy sad.

Don’t know what it means though, only heard of it in a Film.

Haven’t seen a good film in ages.

Thinking, ‘should I make one now?’


I am breathing heavily.

Someone at work has a “You fill up my senses” ring tone.

Damn, haven’t heard that song in years!

There is so much I want to do.

I love you.


Yeah, I know.

My feet tap on the floor constantly as I type this out.

My knee hurts.

I need to pee.

Be right back! (Maybe not)

Siddharth Pathak



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